Healing Program: Day 3, Hardship

I believe I have experienced my first rough spot in the cleansing process.  Today is my third day on a fast of green juices as outlined for phase one of the program I am doing to heal a flare-up of Crohn’s Disease, and a difficult day it has been.

First of all, I could not sleep for the life of me until about 5 in the morning today.  I believe this to be partially due to the weening off of Prednisone I am undergoing.  Actually, I have decided as of last night, that I am not taking it anymore.  I was on a low dose anyway,  and for just a little more than a week.  And I just don’t want to go through the struggle any longer.  I figure I will do things the way I have typically accomplished life, which is harder but faster.  I go through a bit more in a shorter time, but it means I will experience peace sooner, so I’m game.

Second of all, I was riddled with anxiety all night, verging on panic.  I felt that familiar ampiness in my chest, as if some chemical was releasing into my heart and blood, heating and cooling me at the same time.  I was left in a sort of stasis of a kind of hellish feeling. 

I decided in the middle of the restlessness of the wee hours to continue reading Self Healing Colitis & Crohn’s, The Complete Wholistic Guide To Helaing The Gut & Staying Well, Expanded Second Edition, by David Klein Ph.D, which I had begun earlier in the day.   This was both a positive and a negative.  One of the positives was that the book is very well written, to the extent that if I had the background this individual has, and was going to write a practical guide, it would look something a lot like this.  And I do enjoy good writing.  Another one of the positives is that the book is in alignment with many of my views, as well as a lot of the research I have done myself over the years.  So it was both reassuring and empowering. 

On the other hand, one of the negatives was that in the middle of my panic, I began to feel starved and afraid.  My mind was moving so fast that it seemed to gain an appetite of it’s own, and I just could not read fast enough to feed it.  This was compounded by what I now recognize as the last wave of hunger pangs,  which were very intense.  So I skimmed ahead.  I guess it felt tedious to be reading the first sections of the book, which to me seemed repetitive about a message I already agree with, and information I already know.  I really just wanted to know what the program was going to look like.  I wanted to know, frankly, what I could eat. 

All the talk in the book about fruit intensified my appetite, and led me to the point where I almost caved and ate an apple or banana.  Then I started to feel overwhelmed by all of the book’s prospects.  I started to wonder if I would be able to be disciplined enough to accomplish this, and if I would feel isolated from those close to me because of how strict I would need to be.  And then I started to feel conflicted between the two programs, which I later figured out was just because I skipped too far ahead in the second book.  Basically, anxiety was taking hold wherever it could.

I could not foresee last night what I understand presently, because of what I was going through.  I can see now that the program outlined by Dr. Klein will serve as a continuation for me, after the first or second phase of the program I am already embarking on to address the acute flare.  But because of the overwhelm, I found myself longing to just go somewhere where I could heal, exclusively.  I was feeling very burdened by everything I am having to manage on my own and figure out by myself.  I was even feeling overwhelmed by having a loving relationship with someone right now, because I was feeling afraid that I would not have the resources to give to both that, and my healing.  I was really experiencing a substancial pool of emotion.

Dr. Klein’s book mentions a Colitis & Crohn’s Recovery Center, which really sounded good to me.  He even says in the book that it is helpful to do the initial healing in a center like that.  But when I looked online in a fervor last night, and could not find an actual center, I was so disappointed.  It looks like he just offers counseling and consultations, and that there is no on-site location.  I was eager to solicit his advice, but he requires that all clients have read his book in it’s entirety first, so I realized I would have to wait until I finish it before contacting him.  To be honest, I could probably not afford to be in an actual healing center anyway.  I am on Social Security Disability (thank goodness for that), and I am very grateful to have read that Dr. Klein offers a sliding scale, and does not turn people away due to lack of funds. 

It took me a while to calm down before being able to get a little bit of rest.  I ended up thinking about the progress I am making by doing this juice fast.  And I thought about the process of cleansing, and how I just had one day to go before the deep healing effects would begin.  And I basically resigned myself to just stick with what I am doing, and stay focused on getting through at least the five days recommended for healing, and see where I am after that.

Unforunately, I only slept for 3 hours at one time, and then another 3.5 after that, which is definitely not enough.  I woke up both times with terrible constriction in my chest, and the panic feeling again.  I am sure this is also from stopping the steroids. I was so grateful when I got up to find that the E3 Live (which is Klamath Lake blue-green algae) had arrived, as it is an important part of the healing program I am doing (as outlined by Paul Nison), and offers mood balancing support. It definitely took the edge off a little.  I was also pleased to read that this substance acts as an anti-inflammatory, since I am not taking pharmaceutical drugs to mask that symptom anymore.

In fact, I feel a bit like I have a little fever again, and I do feel pains in my gut which I am sure would be worse if I was eating. So I am feeling very glad that I chose to do this program first. Even Dr. Klein’s book suggests a water fast in an acute flare, but I think that is a little too intense for me to handle on my own, so I am happy with the green juices.  And I am still waiting on the enzymes and probiotics to arrive, which I know for certain will be helpful in soothing my gut, as they have been in the past.

I don’t know about Cell Food supplement, however, as I have read some mixed information on that now.  It seems there is a disagreement between alternative health and traditional medicine (as is often the case) regarding whether or not there are any benefits to ingesting colloidal minerals.  But so far, from what I have read, I don’t see any danger in it, especially because it also contains 34 enzymes and 17 amino acids. Hopefully I am correct.

So all in all, a very challenging day. I’m going to keep reading and keep plugging away at this, and I’ll see where I end up tomorrow.