Little By Little, We Are Getting There

It has been a few days since I’ve written here, and it feels like worlds have passed through me. There has been an intense emotional process nearly every day of sans this one.  There have been some serious overhauls and uncoverings and reworkings internally since this process began.  But the main aspect I will touch on in this entry is the physical healing.  I will try to go in to the other aspects later, once they have coagulated a little more.

I successfully worked my way through Paul Nison’s Program for a flare up of Crohn’s Disease, albeit a little roughly.  That is to say that I over taxed myself at one point, which meant I needed more calories than I was getting, and I made some sub-optimal choices that were a bit jarring and painful for my digestive system. Paul even emphasises the importance of no stress and lots of rest numerous times in the book, but I got restless, and ended up overdoing it. Just one day was enough to send me into a spiral of a mess that took a while to balance out from. But I adjusted and eventually made my way to eating again. 

Since then, I have only been able to maintain a raw diet of about 80%, but it has been enough to shut off the inflammatory process.  Also, I got some of the ingredients for the program a little late, such as the medicinal quality enzymes and probiotics, but once I started them, almost all pain and discomfort went away.  It was rather miraculously fast. Now all I have is some distention after eating.  Fever is long gone, and everything is moving right along. The improvement literally happened overnight.

I am still very tired and don’t have a lot of energy, but I am grateful to actually be feeling the genuine energy level I have, and not be suffering from withdrawal and intense swings from stopping cortico-steroids, which definitely reeked havoc on me physiologically, and subsequently mentally and emotionally.  I think that is almost finished now, and I am recovering.  I am left with a bit of an edge from the tax on my adrenals, which I really did not need, but it is understandable. I will get through it soon enough (hopefully), and hopefully without too much damage to those closest to me from the Grump Monster! Woo!

(Thanks to a Petafoo poster for the picture!)

I received my wheat grass juicer in the mail today, and will begin using it tomorrow.  It looks so old school, it is really neat! Let me see if I can find a picture of it… Here’s one from the Sprout People:

I think it will be very healing to have my hands so intensely involved in the juicing process. It will probably make the process less abstract. We’ll see how I feel about it when the novelty wears off! *smirk*

I also got my rebounder, which I will also try to start using tomorrow as well, lightly.  I read in the pamphlet for it that it raises white blood cells to flush the lymphatic system, and I am not sure how that would interact with the autoimmuneaspect of Crohn’s, so I want to be careful and gentle with myself.  But I know that exercise is absolutely paramount to health, and I know that it’s necessary for me to feel balanced and emotionally well, so I don’t want to put it off too long, especially since I am consuming more food now.  I am really hoping to get some energy to work with soon, too.  But I need to take it slow here, because I still feel kind of fragile.

I do plan to get to a place of eating 100% raw, and using the Low-Glycemic approach as outlined by Gabriel Cousens M.D. in Rainbow Green Live Food Cuisine.  I would also like to follow the Phase 1 diet for treatment of Mycosis (as defined by Cousens), to restore biological terrain.  This is especially important because I am fairly certain that I agree with the entire informational section of the book, which outlines Pleomorphic Theoryversus Germ Theory in holistic healing. 

The basis of this theory is that the source of disease is not germs themselves, but rather the conditions which invite or host the germs, (i.e. the terrain).  When the terrain is imbalanced or disturbed, healthy organisms turn into destructive ones, which is there job.  Essentially, they begin to recycle material, leading to the composing of tissues, which is great when you’re dead.  But while living, this is not exactly ideal (to say the least).  This means the goal to restore the conditions, and thereby remove the possibility for the destructive organisms to survive, and promote the flourishing of healthy organisms.  The book goes into greater detail on this, as even further detail is available in Conscious Eating(thank you, Google, for awesome book previews!), which should arrive in the mail tomorrow.

I’ve actually been following this stuff for a while, and it resonates with me on many levels, so I figure that as long as I am getting proper nutrition, it can’t hurt to give it a shot.  But I will tell you this, it is HARD!  I tried just a couple of days of going without sweet of any kind, even from fruit, and outside of fasting on green juices, it was impossible for me.  (Also, fasting on green juices was so intense, that I will absolutely have to write about it later.  I’m making a list of things I need to write about, since I keep saying I will write about things later.) I really need to be praying for willpower right now, because I *really* want to accomplish this. I believe this could very well be key for the attainment of optimal health.

I went to an alternative medicine clinicon Monday, and I am not sure what to make of it all.  The holistic doctor there said that I appear to have a systemic Candida infection, which is causing all or most of the expressions of ill health I currently grapple with, from “Leaky Gut Syndrome” contributing to Crohn’s, to Adrenal Exhaustion, to Endocrine Imbalance regarding my reproductive system, to ADD and cognitive/emotional disturbances. 

On one hand, this makes sense, especially from a holistic point of view.  On the other hand, possibly from a competing perspective, it could be far fetched.  I don’t rightly know anymore.  I feel a little lost swimming in a plethora of information and possibility.  But, if I do have Candida, (which I have also had verified a while ago via Dark Field Microscopy, which Dr. Cousens supports, but which some medical experts invalidate), it should be addressed by the Rainbow Green Phase 1 diet.  Of course, with an infection of this apparent severity, further support may be needed, and the clinic I went to offers a comprehensive program.  I am looking into it.  I will report what I discover and decide.

Another aspect I would like to work towards is not eating at night.  The importance of eating only in the daytime is stressed in so many cultures and healing modalities that it is difficult to track.  Most recently, Paul Nison is releasing a book and program called The Daylight Diet, where he apparently gives plenty of information and sources to support the importance of this vastly overlooked aspect of health and lifestyle. I already know it though, so I don’t really need to be reminded as much as I need the discipline to implement it. 

Firstly, I need to get to sleep earlier so that I can rise earlier, and get all the nutrients I need while the sun is up.  Otherwise, I wake up in a deficit that takes me long into the evening to fulfill.  And with blood-sugar problems on top of it, it becomes a huge grappling endeavor.  So this is definitely on the list of things to address.  I’m supposed to sleep by 11 anyway to help heal my adrenals.  So timing becomes doubly important.

Essentially, I want and need to be gentle with myself.  I have already tried taking on too much too soon and failed miserably.  I’ve done this several times over the past couple of years, two steps forward and one step back, and sometimes two steps back for a while until I get it together enough to go one step forward instead.  So that’s the goal this time, one step at a time.  I think this is absolutely vital to ensure my success.  And I know I will succeed if I am paying attention.

I am paying attention.

The Devil Goin’ Bye-Bye

I have been tapering off of Prednisone, which was given to me in the hospital for treatment of an acute flare-up of Crohn’s Disease. It is a corticosteroid used medically as a powerful anti-inflammatory agent and immuno-suppressant. It definitely did the job, considering my white blood cell count was 21, 000, and it knocked it down to 12,000 overnight. For perspective, the normal range of white blood cells per cubic millimeter is approximately 5000-10,000. In other words, I was hot! I mentioned in another entry that I even had a fever of 104 degrees before I finally went to the Emergency Room.

Prednisone is not a fun drug for me. I remember in the past, back when I was really-super-duper sick, I was on very high doses of it. I had to take 2 different psychiatric medications to compensate for what was diagnosed as “Steroid Induced Psychosis”.  I remember that I eventually came to refer to Prednisone as “The Devil,” because of what it did to me. I remember feeling like I was losing my mind, and the aggitation I experienced has never been paralleled in my lifetime.  I felt so powerless to the mood swings and aggression that were tearing through me, but there was nothing I could do.  I was also taking opiates for pain, which have a sedating effect, in addition to the anti-anxiety medicine prescribed to compensate for the steroid psychosis.  These added a component of depression so bad that not even the prescribed anti-depressants helped, and at times, I even contemplated suicide. 

I also remember gaining approximately 20 extra pounds, growing a “moon face” with huge chimpmunk cheeks, and having Edema in my legs. I remember the absolutely insatiable appetite that no amount of food could quell. I was even diagnosed with Cushing’s Syndrom at one point, and my appearance was so drastically different that I hardly recognized myself anymore. This was also a source of depression for me, and vastly affected my self-image and esteem, but in the larger scope of the circumstances, was lower on the list of priorities, next to needing to stay alive and all.

Unfortunately, Prednisone was the only drug that worked at various times in my treatment with Western medicine, so I was pretty miserable a lot of the time. When I think about what that was like, I wonder how in the world I managed to pull myself together enough to decide to find another way.  I guess I never was crazy, in that I realized that if I wanted to get different results, I had to do something different.  And I suppose it really was so intolerable that I was driven to evolve.

I am feeling very grateful that it did not take very high doses of Prednisone to control the flare this time, though the initial doses were high enough for me to experience substancial psychological distress.  While in the hospital, I struggled with panic attacks and a constant feeling of anxiety for no reason.  I remember sitting up in the evening, in tears, randomly, with a pounding in my chest and a feeling like everything was falling apart.  My companion was there once, and understood what was happening, and just held my hand as tight as he could to help sooth me.  It actually helped, because of the proprioception, which I learned about not long ago (more on this later).  The feeling of joint constriction can be very helpful with relieving anxiety.  I am not sure my hand has ever been held so tightly. 

Though it was cookies compared to what I experienced in the past, the panic this time still eventually required the use of sedatives.  Treatment started in the hospital, and I was sent home with a prescription of Ativan along with the Prednisone, to help me through the tapering off process.  Last night was the last time I took the sedative. I think I slept for 12 hours. 

I am down to 10 mg of Prednisone now, and am not feeling the anxiety, just very, very tired.  I will take 10 mg again tomorrow, and then 5mg the next two days, and then I will be finished.  I will not be surprised to experience some level of fatigue and mood fluctuation for a few days following. It has been an intense time.

Presently, I actually work with a Naturopathic Doctor to help repair the damage done to my adrenals from so much corticosteroid use in the past.  We have successfully worked together on other things, such as effectively treating Endometriosis and ovarian cysts (more on these later), so I have a lot of faith in the relationship.  Adrenal repair is a major focus of our work now, and I have had a full panel of testing done, which concluded that my adrenals don’t work as well as they need to.  Specifically, they don’t produce enough testosterone, or dhea, and this is causing a tax on my thyroid, which subsequently does not produce enough thyroid hormone. In addition to this, my cortisol cycle is nearly reversed, and I experience Hypoglycemia related to the adrenal exhaustion. 

This all pretty much just means I am very, very tired, am unable to tolerate even a moderate level of stress, have a really hard time sleeping, experience a lowered sex drive, and have high nutritional needs due to bloodsugar disregulation.  But mostly I am tired.  Close friends have described a “deep exhaustion” about me, which I can simply say I experience as feeling old. 

The adrenal treatment has been beneficial in a few ways so far, most notably that the inclusion of Black Currant in my medicinal regime has soothed the edginess and aggression that I was experiencing before treatment began. Also, occasionally the prescribed Seriphos actually works to lower my cortisol levels at night, and permit me some sound sleep (though this is more rare than I would prefer, thus far).

I am sure this recent course of steroids, though brief, will take a little time to repair as well. As I have said before, I am really looking forward to having alternative methods to use to treat acute flare-ups in the future, should they express again. I really believe that the program I am doing will work, which I’m fairly sure is half the battle. And I am looking forward to the day that I will never have to take Prednisone again. The devil is officially going bye bye.

And after a while, my digestive system will be fully repaired, and my endocrine system will be balanced one more, and I shall experience peace, energy, vitality, and a sense of well being unlike I have in a very, very long time. 

Here’s to a new, better version of body and mind!